Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
