i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
