So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
