How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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