Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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