Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
