I love black thongs
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize