as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize