It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I haven't been this sober since birth.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
