imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
