Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
