There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
