I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She told me I should be a condom model.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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