FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
