I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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