We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
