we have pet lesbian snakes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
