please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
