please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
