He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize