I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
