have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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