my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
