You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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