If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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