I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
