3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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