Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
