its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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