I met the friendliest cop last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
