the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
