walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
