I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
