Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
