"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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