There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
