Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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