We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
