I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
