2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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