I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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