I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
