I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
