Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
