i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
