i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
