after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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