u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
