2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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