i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
