Is it normal to miss your booty call?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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