I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
