im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
