a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
