Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
