I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
