we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
