We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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