dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize