I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
