you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Where did you get a picture of my penis
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
