kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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