Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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