I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
