You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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