Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
