Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
