This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
